Garage Sale. Yard Sale. Tag Sale. Rummage Sale. Junk Sale.
Whatever you call it, it’s the same thing: Putting all my
junk treasures out for some other fool to take home.
My 1st question is this: Who decided these things should start at the Ass Crack of Dawn? 6:00 am? Are you freakin’ kidding me? How about 9:00? Doesn’t that make MUCH more sense.
Apparently not, because people start pulling in the driveway before the sun even begins to break through. I’ve barely managed to get dressed and have my teeth brushed – forget makeup and any hair combing.
And these people are ruthless….for God’s sake, the little piece of shit you want is only a quarter, do you have to try to get it cheaper? What do you want it for, a dime? Sure, that piece of Princess House might only be worth a dime to you, but I paid $27 for it….20 years ago. Surely by now it’s worth AT LEAST A FRIGGIN’ QUARTER!!!!
I worked for a solid week gathering up all the
crap treasures around the house that I wanted to sell to make LOTS of money and clean out the house. I priced ‘to sell’ and organized it by category for the ease of the customer. I even went to the bonus room and dug through old worn out vintage clothes, sure women everywhere would want to refresh their winter wardrobe.
I laid out all my goodies and waited patiently while hoards of people pawed through my pristine display of treasures, positive that they were simply deciding which purchase to make.
I waved and said “Thanks for stopping by” like these were old friends just over for a visit.
I bought a cup of lemonade from The Tater (who made $7 from all those people who ‘browsed’ my treasures!), thinking that Crystal Light really wasn’t all that great when it’s watered down, in a dirty styrofoam cup that might have rolled around on the ground at least once.
At 11:00, I decided I needed a nap and my Yard Sale was officially over. I made $47.25.
Next time I’m starting at 9:00 and selling margaritas.