Why do I lie?  Perhaps I should rephrase that…..why do I tell stories?  Oh yes, that sounds much better!

You know, if you live in the South you come in contact with all types of people, some of them people your mama knows and your grandmama, and her mama.  If you don’t want your mama to pinch your head off the next time you see her, it’s possible you tell stories when you run into these people in the store.

Or you just try to hide from them.

My new friend over at Queen of Denial posted this on her page and I immediately thought of all those people I’ve ‘avoided’ while out and about and ah…slightly off balance, off my meds or just off kilter.

You know, you’re in the grocery store, and you’re just there for fruit for the fruity drinks and mixers.  And Damn, there’s Old Mrs. Nosybody, heading right toward you!  You try to duck behind the Pineapples but she’s spotted you and is headed right to your basket.

“Hi, Hi, Hi” she yells across the aisle.  You try to ignore her…maybe she’s not speaking to you.

Fat Hairy Chance.

You turn….”Oh Hi Mrs. Nosybody, I mean Mrs. Nossle!  How are you??”  (Because your mama taught you manners…and you know better than to NOT use them!).

Mrs. Nosybody looks down that sharp, pointed, wart-covered nose of hers and says, “Why honey, are you on a diet?  Getting all that fruit and juice?”

And that’s when the lie starts.

“Yes I am!”

“Well, you’ll be looking pretty in no time with all that fruit!”

“Um…thanks.”  Bitch.

So, you see, they are simple, little harmless lies.  Sorta like the one that happened over the weekend.

Me, my hubby and my BFF (soon to be 40 years old – read that post here) were all sitting at a birthday party that The Tater was invited to.  We had our camping chairs, we had our drinks and we had eaten our birthday cake.  We were just chillin’.

The Great-Grandmother of the birthday girl glanced over at me and said:

“Is that your daughter?”

Now she was pointing to my BFF ~ not to The Tater.

So, naturally I said “Yes.”

Her reply?  “Well, I could tell, she looks exactly like you.”

We might have started giggling….ok, I know we did. My hubby spit out whatever he was drinking.

I told my BFF it was our blonde hair and blue eyes that made her think we were related.  Except I have brown hair and green eyes.  Close, very close to the same.

My BFF said it was our big boobs and big butts.  Oh yeah, that could Definitely be IT!

And then, my husband told the truth.

He said “It’s the Bitch that’s oozing out of ya’lls pores that make her think you’re related…..”

Ok, he had us on that one.