The Hair Fairy skipped my house

I have hair issues.

I’d love to have pretty, long, naturally wavy, thick manageable hair.  But I don’t.  You probably don’t either. And it really doesn’t matter what kind of hair you have, you want something else, because we’re NEVER satisfied with our hair!

My stick-straight, so-thin-you-can-see-through it, mousy brown hair is uncooperative at best.  Unless I actually wanted it to be stick straight, super thin and mousy.  Then it’s perfect.  I try to curl it on occasion, and it looks great….for 47 minutes.  After that, it looks like a 6 year old’s head after school picture day: flat, thin and stuck tight to my head. My ears even poke out…just wanted to make sure you got a good visual.

I have a friend with curly hair.  She spends an hour straightening her hair every morning.  I spend an hour curling mine every morning.  (Ok, that’s not true, but if I were to curl it, it would take that long because I’d have to curl every strand.).

Why do we do this????  Just once, I’d like to wake up, wash and dry my hair and just go out the door and not care that it looks like I’m living in 1970.  (Long, straight, hair was THE style in the 70’s…just in case you don’t remember.  Think: Cher!)  But no!  I torture myself with curlers, pins, hairspray, more pins, more curling iron time, more hairspray and more pins…just in case I sneeze or something and the whole mess falls down.

This is the hair I want…..

Perfect hair! And I could totally go with her skin, too.
Or this hair!

 

 

Do you think Dana Delaney or Rene Russo would mind if I photo-shopped their hair on my head? Of course, when people saw me in person, they’d do that double -take…you know, where you look at someone and think “What the Hell happened?” but you don’t really want to SAY anything?  ‘Course in the South, we’d just say, “Bless your heart….having a bad day?” and smile.

I go to my hairdresser, who, God bless her, is a long-time friend.  I say “This is the hair I want!”  Hopefully, I had her these pictures.

She has the decency not to laugh in my face.  But as a long-time friend, she does say, “Ain’t gonna happen girlfriend!”  So, she trims the ends, tries to fluff it up with some mousse and a hair dryer.  By the time I’m at the end of her driveway, it’s flat, thin and straight again.

So, I’ll just settle for these strands on my head.  At this point, I would just appreciate it if they weren’t migrating to my chin every so often.

And I had another thought….Of all the things I could have that are thin ~ thighs, arms, ankles, belly, butt ~ the 2 I got when the thin fairy was hovering around my house?

Thin hair and lips.

Thanks bitch.  Next time I’m gonna spray you with some Aqua-Net.

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