I truly love the holiday season….the trees, the presents, the food, the music.  Unfortunately, I usually enjoy it at someone else’s home because I’m not all that on top of things at my home.  We do put a tree up in December and I wrap a few presents here and there, but all that holiday glow you see everywhere?  Not exactly that way at my home.

So when I see commercials on TV that show holiday homes where everyone is happy, beautiful, perfect and loving….well, I sorta call…BULLSHIT.

There’s a particular commercial on right now for a local department store (think Macy’s Lite). They show people coming to a house that is decorated perfectly for Christmas and all the guests are wearing their holiday finery.  WAIT!  They’re actually wearing clothes that you might see in Hollywood or New York at a film screening or the fanciest of events.  And the house is full to the brim with holiday ‘stuff’…..and OF COURSE, it’s snowing outside and there’s beautiful picture-worthy scenes right outside the door.

The table is set with tasty looking food, none of which has been taste tested at all, and the glasses of sparkling cider await all who enter.

Wait just a damn minute….I have a few questions for the commercial makers who obviously haven’t seen real people this decade:

1.  Where’s all the junk that’s usually in the living room?  You know ~ newspapers, glasses, toys, shoes?

2.  Do you normally wear clothes this nice to your neighbors or friends home for the holidays?  I mean, sequins, bows and ties?  Really?  Wow!  You definitely have a different idea of ‘dressing up’ than I do.

3.  The last time you had people over for dinner, did you cater the entire meal or did someone you know actually make the food?  And when that food was displayed, was there not one finger dip, one stray cookie out-of-place, one slightly lower-on-one-side cake, one casserole that had a little too much heat or one set of mismatched silver?  Yeah, thought so.  At my house, the food is delicious, but I’m no professional so it doesn’t look quite like that.  There’s crumbs on the side of the plate, the appetizers are a little off-center of the serving dish and often there’s an open bottle of beer in the dining room.

4.  Did Martha Stewart stop by to decorate?  And where are all the homemade ornaments for the tree?  And why are there no presents under the tree with ripped paper and twine to hold them together.

5.  Why are the children in these commercials so happy and nice to each other?  Do you have children?  Have you ever seen a child?  Dress my child up in sequins, fluffy hair bows and give them a present to hand to someone else and you have a mess.  The sequins will be in the floor where the dog will scoop them up and crap glitter for days and the present will be open and played with before you can get your coat off.

6.  And finally, the biggest question of all….WHY ISN’T ANYONE WEARING PAJAMA PANTS???

I think I’ll start making commercials featuring real people…anyone wanna audition?