I cannot make this shit up. Even if I could, I don’t think I would EVER think to make up something like what happened to me yesterday…..
I was driving along, minding my own business, even sorta paying attention to the world around me. Nary a cell phone was in sight. Let me set this up for you:
The road was 2 lanes and there were several cars behind a ‘chicken truck’ and I was one of those several cars. (Just in case you’re unclear as to what a ‘chicken truck’ is, it’s a tractor-trailer/semi flatbed carrying crates/cartons/cases of live chickens.) The road was changing to 4 lanes just up ahead and we were all anxious to pass the chicken truck.
IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, ARE VERY SENSITIVE OR ARE EATING WHILE YOU ARE READING THIS
>>>> ***STOP NOW***!!!<<<<<
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!
As soon as the road changed to 4 lanes, we all began passing the chicken truck. There was a stop light ahead and we all saw the red light, but apparently the truck driver did not. The car in front of me stopped at the red light and so did I.
The trucker was in the left lane and didn’t see the light until it was almost too late. He slammed on his brakes and stopped just passed the white line. When he did that…everything jossled in the back of the truck….and I mean EVERYTHING.
Apparently, the crates that were holding some of the chickens weren’t latched
very well at all. So when the truck came to a full stop at the stop light, the chickens said, “HEY – Lookee here! We can GET OUT!”
And they did. Get OUT! They hopped down, flew a little, landed on the bed of the truck and on the road.
Now, I need to tell you that the guy driving the little Honda in front of me was blowing the horn, waving his arms, yelling ~ doing all the things he could do to get the attention of the truck driver before the light changed to green.
Me? I was trying to move my truck a little bit to the right so the two chickens that were right at my wheels wouldn’t get crushed when I moved.
The driver didn’t see anything. He DID NOT SEE live chickens flying all over the road, landing on the bed of the truck, falling to the road, hanging out all over cars or the general disarray that was about to take place.
The light turned green. The driver drove. Chickens didn’t make it. PEOPLE WERE GOING CRAZY!!!
Cars were diving off the road, more chickens were flying off the truck, hitting cars and the road and anything else in their path.
Well, I couldn’t just let this continue because now I’M the one right behind the truck. So I do what any woman alone in this kind of situation would do: I called 911.
“911-what is your emergency?”
Me: “There’s chickens all over the road!!!!!!!”
“Ma’am, is this a fire or medical emergency?”
Me: “I DON’T KNOW…THERE IS THIS CHICKEN TRUCK AND THE LATCH TO THE CHICKEN COOP-THINGY’S ARE UNHOOKED AND THERE ARE CHICKENS FLYING OUT OF THE TRUCK GOING EVERYWHERE. PEOPLE ARE RUNNING OFF THE ROAD, TRYING TO MISS THE FLYING CHICKENS AND THEY ARE D.Y.I.N.G. ALL OVER THE PLACE”
“Yes Ma’am. Where are you now?”
Me: “On a bridge”. (I think he wanted more info….)
“Ma’am, what bridge?”
Me: “ummmm, I’m not sure..hang on….Oh Shit, there’s another one….I Goootttttaaaa miss it….Oh, sorry about that. The Shit part I mean. Ok, I’m on Hwy 115”
“North or South?”
Me: “Huh? I just crossed the bridge before the fire department….OH WAIT, he’s turning, he’s turning. He’s turning….into the road to the chicken plant. Oh GOOD! You can get him! CALL THEM NOW!!!”
“Yes Ma’am, we’ll call the chicken plant now. Thank you ma’am.”
Now, I am TORN UP about all this and have to pull over and rest a little bit before I get where I’m going.
My next thought is to what happened with the driver pulled up to the gate at the Chicken Plant….
“Ah, Norm (apologies to all the people named Norm out there….), you seem to be missing a few chickens…..”
Norm: “What are you talking about? Don’t you think I would notice if I was missing a few chickens?”
No Norm, I do not think you’d notice at all.