Cleaning Today?

I HATE Housework.  I know, I know, it’s gotta get done so we don’t live in filth.  But it’s no fun and I’d rather do lots of other stuff.  Mostly I’d like to drink Margaritas, dance and laugh.  None of those things are happening while I clean house…although Margaritas while I am cleaning COULD help the process along.  My stuff might not be quite as clean, but I really wouldn’t care.

Tools of the trade

So to help everyone out there, I have 10 facts about House Cleaning that I’d like to share ~ if even one person is helped, then my work here is done.

  1. Cleaning House SUCKS (had to get that one out of the way)
  2. Baby Wipes are a miracle cleaner!  They are fabulous for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!  Wipe down the sink, clean a spot, wipe a butt, take dirt off lots of stuff, mop a (tiny) floor, wipe a nose.  Yep, the perfect cleaner.
  3. Spider webs can materialize over night.  Spiders are the most industrious bastards I’ve ever seen.  Go to bed – no spider webs.  Wake up in the morning – one smacks you in the face.  I HATE SPIDERS.  Then you have to find the bastard that made the web.  THEN you get to destroy the web so they can’t make a commune in your house.  I hate spiders.
  4. If company is coming over, something major will break.  A toilet, a sink, a flower-pot full of dirt.  And the repair will take exactly as long as the company stays.
  5. Different people (read: Husbands) have different ideas about what CLEAN means.  I think it’s clean if there’s no visible dirt and we’re all happy.  Mac thinks it’s clean if there’s no dust molecules in a 50-mile radius, there are no personal objects anywhere in sight and we can eat off the floors.  Most of the time, I’m happy if we can eat off the dining room table.
  6. “AS SEEN ON TV” products for cleaning are no better than what you buy at Wal-Mart.  Even if you buy them all, you still have to scrub the shower, the toilet and the sink.  Spraying a cleaner on an object and expecting it to magically become clean is an illusion.  Just send over $14.99 + $7 .95 shipping and handling (WAIT – for a limited time, you can receive TWO – just pay additional shipping and handling!) and I’ll stop by and spray some magic potion on your dirty stuff and show you that you still have to scrub.
  7. Children create dirt by breathing.  As soon as they put a foot on the floor in the morning and take one step, something gets dirty.  Accept it and move on.
  8. Laundry is never done.  NEVER.  Stop trying to catch up and realize you have to do laundry EVERY DAY.  You will never have an empty dirty-clothes-hamper unless you and your family stops wearing clothes and bathing.  And really, for all of us?  Please don’t do that!
  9. The day you mop the floors?  It rains.  And the dog with muddy paws gets in followed by the child with muddy shoes.  I’m thinking of changing my floor patterns to giraffe spots to match the muddy paws and shoes.
  10. And finally ~ if you hire a cleaning person, you really shouldn’t ‘tidy-up’ before they get to the house.  I can tell you without a doubt in my mind ~ if I ever have a cleaning person ~ they’re gonna see the family dirt.  No tidying up for me  – I might even sit on the couch and drink margaritas, dance and laugh while THEY work.  Good money spent.

Carry on – and clean as you go.  It’s kinda funny to watch everyone try to keep a clean house with kids, pets, family and life going on.  I know everyone has heard the saying:  “Cleaning house while the kids are home is like trying to nail jello to a tree.”

Yep – sounds about right.

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6 comments

  1. I think we live in the same house, like the bad Sandra Bullock, Keanu Reeves flim where it’s supposed to be on different time planes, lol. You get the spiders though, I think I finally terrified all the one’s that consider intruding here.I have found the solution to item 4, I do not have company on purpose ever. Unexpected ones leave quickly 🙂 Further proof that our homes are truly parallel, item 5. My MIL kills me the way she constantly cleans, & of course my husband grew up this way, & has begun to believe I should behave as a live-in maid, I told him to up my rate of pay, & I will consider it. Who wants to eat off a damn floor anyway.I also threatened (after a particularly nasty remark from my MIL) to institute “Naked Day” for our family of three. In my mind it would solve many problems; no visitors, because they would be uncomfortable (best bonus!), also all of my laundry would be done (if only for a few short hours), & I could confine myself to the privacy of my own room for the day with no complaining allowed, because my son is 11 this coming Saturday, & surely doesn’t want to see his own mother running about nude 😉 ~

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    • Too funny ~ I’ve been wondering what that noise was in the extra bedroom! Now I know ~ it’s the parallel universe where you and your family live! There must be an extra door in there somewhere….and I definitely vote for Naked Day if it keeps the problems out of my side of the universe! 🙂

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  2. I’ve also heard, “A pristine house is a boring house,” and I have to say that I agree. Now, don’t get me wrong. I have OCD and clean like a manic even though it’s only me and my cat. But there’s a difference between “messy” and “dirty.” As long as you don’t actually hang ornaments on the spider webs or something, I think that you’re safe. 😉

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  3. I love these facts! They are sooo very true! My husband and I were cleaning the house today and my cat was chasing the broom while I was sweeping. Our son was mad because we weren’t playing with him and then got scared of the vacuum cleaner. Plus, as soon as I had the litterbox cleaned and the utility room swept, in comes the cat making a huge mess everywhere. Sigh…cleaning is never done!

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