I wish I could fly.  Then I could hover over stupid people.  I could spit on their heads and fly to the next person and spit on their heads and act like it wasn’t me.

Of course if I could fly, would other people be able to fly, too? Then there’d be all these people up in the air hovering and flying around and it probably would be all crowded and shit and we’d have the same problems we have now on the ground, only we’d be in the air.

But if I were the ONLY one that could fly….I would be special!

But then, if I was special enough to fly and people knew I could fly and was special, they’d be all up in my business and be wanting me to fly to them and hover and stuff.  They’d want to show me off to their friends and say they know me and act like I know them.  They’d want me to fly low to the ground so they could take my picture to prove they knew me. Then they’d post it on Facebook and I’d have to ban them, and then I’d have to sue them or something.

But if I could fly and was INVISIBLE….oh the possibilities!

Wonder if that would hurt?  Going invisible and then going visible again when I got where I was going?

No matter, I’d be so cool flying around so no one could see me. I’d arrive way ahead of everyone else and they’d be all like, “How’d you do that?” and I’d be all “It’s my secret!”.

But then the National Enquirer would put their Ace Reporter on it (the one that found Bat Boy and John Edwards Love Baby) and that Ace Reporter would figure it out.  I’d be labeled a freak and have to go in hiding and they’d put me in some place for ‘scientific research’.

Dumbasses…I’m invisible!  I can slip away!

Geez, the things I gotta think through just to be a super special flying invisible person! Do I have to do all the work???