This gives a Whole New Meaning to ‘Slip & Slide’

Mama always told me to wear a slip.
However, mama’s rule didn’t seem to carry over into 2016 and I’ve had a dang hard time finding a slip these days.  When someone told me about ‘slip shorts’, I thought that was perfect and set out to find one on line.  Which led me to Amazon.  Because…Amazon.
 
And about 4 rows down I see this ~ Elastic Anti-Chafing Thigh Bands….
Screen shot 2016-07-28 at 10.34.25 AM
 
I paused for a moment and thought about these little bands of silky, stretchy lace. And then I thought about my thighs.  You really should think about your thighs every now and then.  Me and my thighs are really close….and they’re really close to each other. (I prefer to think of it as Mermaid training.)
As I envisioned these “Elastic Anti-Chafing Thigh Bands” on MY thighs, the picture became very clear…..
You start to feel the creep from the first one, and you attempt to wiggle a little, hoping no one will notice an extra wiggle here and there.
 
You can feel skin touching one of the ‘elastic anti-chafing thigh bands’ where no skin should be touching, because one of them has already slipped down, headed fast to your knee.
 
As you take another step, you realize the elastic anti-chafing thigh band #2 has taken a nose dive and is heading south to meet it’s mate. They are traveling fast and they don’t care who’s chasing them.
How far EXACTLY can you walk with your knees held together....
 
Should you take another step? How far EXACTLY can you walk with your knees held together, literally holding the thigh bands in place? Did you clap your knees together soon enough to catch BOTH the slinky pieces of silk before they slid down to sure freedom, rallying each other to slide on down as quickly as they can?
 
You look around, hoping to see no one else, but realize there are people EVERYWHERE and you’re standing right out in the open, in front of God and everybody, looking like you’re playing a game of Twister for one. The moment comes where you realize you HAVE to take another step, and unless you are able to perform circus acts of contortion, you’re likely going to have to step OUT of the ‘elastic anti-chafing thigh bands because they have now become anklets that are much too large for your delicate ankles and are a trip hazard.
 
So what’s a girl to do?
 
Only one thing: Spread those knees, let ’em drop, step out of them and keep on walking……
Yeah.  No.  My thighs and I talked and we ALL agreed…the ‘Elastic Anti-Chafing Thigh Bands’ are NOT for us.  Now, I wonder if JC Penney still sells slips…. 
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34 comments

  1. You are a ray of sunshine with your writings….you must be a hoot in every day life. To bad we didn’t live closer. I love to laugh.

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  2. Sasha, you crack me up! I went looking for a slip a year and a half ago to wear under my formal dress for my daughter’s wedding. I needed a full-length. Those suckers are hard to find, but I managed to get one on Amazon. My daughter laughed, “What’s a slip for?” Yes, it’s been that long since she’d worn one too. I told her to hide my feminine curves from being seen through the dress’ fabric. She said no one would look anyway. Ha! Ha! Then I told her the petticoat she got for HER dress was a slip with extra fluffs to make the dress poof out. AND to hide her feminine curves. Momma got the last laugh. 😀

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  3. Sasha you left quite a vision in my head. You really do make me laugh, giggle and snort. Glad I didn’t have a mouth full of tea or it would have shot out my nose. You sure do bring a bright spot to my day! Thanks.

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  4. The mental picture you created made me think of Lucille Ball in “Yours, Mine and Ours” when her slip slides off in the bar on the first date with Henry Fonda. 😄😝

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    • I remember the movie! But not that scene..I’ll have to watch it again 🙂 And really…anything comparing me to ANYTHING Lucy did is fabulous ! Thanks so much 🙂

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  5. Lane Bryant, Woman Within and Roamans on line all have slips, full, half, slip pants etc. but now my daughter tells me that the f I wear nude underwear and bra, I can get away without the slip. Good luck! This had me spilling coffee all over my lap! Hurry up and finish that book! No pressure!

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    • Sherry ~ No pressure…between you and Kate – ha! 🙂 It’s all good…Mac told me he wants to go to the cabin in 2 weeks for several days..MAYBE I can write there if I send them both off somewhere – ha!

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  6. I can only imagine the shenanigans that would ensue with a pair of these, let alone the Ninja moves trying to keep them In-place. Granny Panties with shot elastic are bad enuf !! 🙂

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