Mama always told me to wear a slip.
However, mama’s rule didn’t seem to carry over into 2016 and I’ve had a dang hard time finding a slip these days. When someone told me about ‘slip shorts’, I thought that was perfect and set out to find one on line. Which led me to Amazon. Because…Amazon.
And about 4 rows down I see this ~ Elastic Anti-Chafing Thigh Bands….
I paused for a moment and thought about these little bands of silky, stretchy lace. And then I thought about my thighs. You really should think about your thighs every now and then. Me and my thighs are really close….and they’re really close to each other. (I prefer to think of it as Mermaid training.)
As I envisioned these “Elastic Anti-Chafing Thigh Bands” on MY thighs, the picture became very clear…..
You start to feel the creep from the first one, and you attempt to wiggle a little, hoping no one will notice an extra wiggle here and there.
You can feel skin touching one of the ‘elastic anti-chafing thigh bands’ where no skin should be touching, because one of them has already slipped down, headed fast to your knee.
As you take another step, you realize the elastic anti-chafing thigh band #2 has taken a nose dive and is heading south to meet it’s mate. They are traveling fast and they don’t care who’s chasing them.
Should you take another step? How far EXACTLY can you walk with your knees held together, literally holding the thigh bands in place? Did you clap your knees together soon enough to catch BOTH the slinky pieces of silk before they slid down to sure freedom, rallying each other to slide on down as quickly as they can?
You look around, hoping to see no one else, but realize there are people EVERYWHERE and you’re standing right out in the open, in front of God and everybody, looking like you’re playing a game of Twister for one. The moment comes where you realize you HAVE to take another step, and unless you are able to perform circus acts of contortion, you’re likely going to have to step OUT of the ‘elastic anti-chafing thigh bands because they have now become anklets that are much too large for your delicate ankles and are a trip hazard.
So what’s a girl to do?
Only one thing: Spread those knees, let ’em drop, step out of them and keep on walking……
Yeah. No. My thighs and I talked and we ALL agreed…the ‘Elastic Anti-Chafing Thigh Bands’ are NOT for us. Now, I wonder if JC Penney still sells slips….