Just Zip It!

I rarely write two blog posts about the same exact thing, but I HAD to follow-up the GENIE ZIP BRA! story (if you haven’t read that one yet, it might be good to start here).

Many of you sent me messages about your own Genie Bra, both the non-zip kind and the kind I have, the GENIE ZIP BRA!   You loved it, you hated it, you tried it, you tossed it.  BUT, several of you said all I had to do was STEP into it, and I wouldn’t have the struggles of getting it on.  Of course, I had shoved it in a drawer after my ‘adventure’ and hadn’t gotten around to getting it out and trying it again.

Well, after this week of search and rescue, every bra I had was still either in the dirty clothes hamper, in the washer or not quite dry in the dryer (ok, that means BOTH my good bras, and the one worn-out, stretched-out, ragged one).  And Whiskey had a vet visit….and I really need to wear a bra out in public or someone might think I’m smuggling cantaloupes.  (At least cantaloupes are in season…it’s hell in the winter.)

So, as I dug around in the drawer, my hands landed on the GENIE ZIP BRA!  And I decided at that moment, THIS was the time to try it again.  I mean, I was only going to the vet…no make up, no hair fixed, sweats and a t-shirt.  The GENIE ZIP BRA seemed like the perfect solution. I zipped it up and began to step into it.  It slid up my legs just fine, and I’m thinking….”this might work!”  Of course, then it hit the “Butt and Gut” part of my “Butt, Gut and Boobs”  body and it hesitated, probably analyzing the ratio of elasticity to material built-in, preparing to stretch to the max at any moment.

But it slid up and over, and arrived at ‘The Girls’…and then easily encased both, creating the perfect Uni-Boob with only minor adjusting. Hmph….how about that.  I got it on with minimal twisting and shouting and it was semi-comfortable.  Yes, this MIGHT work.

Off to the Vet we go ~ it’s a quick visit, just a well check, some meds and we’re almost ready. The Vet leaves the room to get some free samples for us … and while he’s gone and I’m playing with Whiskey, I begin to feel something in my shirt.  And then a loosening…almost like I’m taking my clothes off. I look down and realize ‘The Girls’ are a little looser, not quite in the uni-boob form they were mere minutes ago. 

When I take a quick peek inside my t-shirt, my eyes widen at the zipper slowly moving DOWN the GENIE ZIP BRA!, releasing ‘The Girls’ at an alarming rate. I can hear the Vet talking JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR and walking back toward our room…I don’t have time to lift up my t-shirt and begin zipping up the GENIE ZIP BRA!  Besides, I KNOW how well that works.   I try and hold ‘The Girls” close together, but that’s about as useless as tits on a bull (ya’ll know I HAD to use that, right?).

As the Vet comes back in the room, the zipper is continuing to slide down, making ‘The Girls’ drop lower and lower, and I continue to try and hold them up and together with my arms, held slightly askew, not exactly crossed and not hanging straight down like I’m trying to catch a basketball (well, 2 actually).  I mentally hurry the Vet up, thinking if he finishes talking in the next 3 seconds, I might be able to get out of there with some sense of normalcy.

As he finishes up, he tries to hand me the bill and says, ‘Just see Susan on the way out and she’ll get you set up for the next appointment’.  My arms are frozen, because I know if I move them, ‘The Girls’ will finish their free fall.  I stand there, glossy eyed, willing him to just lay it on the table, hand it to Tater, drop it on the floor or make a paper airplane out of it.

Finally, I tell Tater to grab that as I pick Whiskey up and head out the door.  As I stop at the counter to talk to Susan, I am forced to put Whiskey down and retrieve my checkbook from my pocket. As I make that movement, the lowest pieces of zipper make their break from each other and ‘The Girls’ are free….luckily the counter is high and it’s not THAT obvious.  However, the zipper on EACH side of the GENIE ZIP BRA is now directly under each arm….sticking straight up and creating a tent-like feature just below the neckline of my old, cheap, thin t-shirt.

It is at that moment that Tater realizes something strange is happening inside my t-shirt….she has been holding Whiskey’s leash, playing with him and not paying me any attention….and neither has Susan.  She was busy doing Susan stuff. I was this close to escaping that office with my GENIE ZIP BRA experience all to myself, but my darling Tater had to exclaim, “Sasha, what’s that under your shirt?” loudly enough that the 100-year-old man who lives next door surely heard her.

That also got Susan’s attention and she looked at me, her eyebrows raised in anticipation of the answer, sure to be good and juicy. I had absolutely no choice but to say, “it’s just my bra, falling off and taking my dignity with it” as I picked up my dog, gathered my stuff and headed out the door, feeling the swing of things with every step I took. And THIS is why Tater’s baby doll has a new bathing suit, nude colored and with a zipper in front.

zipper
I couldn’t exactly take a picture of what was happening, but here’s a picture of a zipper and THIS is what I saw when I peeked.

_______________________________________________________

Thanks, as always, for reading what I write, laughing when it’s funny and writing to me with your thoughts ~ I always appreciate you sharing my stories with others and making them laugh, too.  Cheers!

Advertisements

27 comments

  1. OMG that is too funny!! I can just see it happening to me. I have thought about those bras before. Thank for saving me from the Genie bra!! LMAO!!

    Like

  2. OH! you made me cry. An awesome story. I truly didn’t know we (proud possessors of “big girls”) could even get a Gene Zip Bra that would “sort of” fit.

    Like

    • OMG! You had me laughing so hard I was laughing, crying, giggling, and snorting. Glad I had been to the bathroom before I started to read this about the Genie Zip Bra. Being a breast cancer survivor I have a giant magnet on the back of my car that says “Save The Ta-Tas” and you’d be amazed at the amount of people who stop and make comments. They say I’ve heard of “Save the Whales”, etc., but what are Ta-Tas and want an explanation. I try to make gestures with my hands and use words such as girls, bazooms,etc. Sometimes they just look at me. I swear some day I’m going to raise my T-shirt and show them and then somebody can call an EMT.

      Like

  3. OMG, I love it. Thanks for reminding me not to order a Genie Zip Bra. You are so funny!! I just love your website and your posts on facebook. I share them quite often!!

    Like

  4. Oh girl! Bless your heart! I can just imagine! That is the only thing I like about winter…being able to throw on my big sweatshirt over a tshirt to go to town and not have to wear a bra. i HATE having the girls confined, but as big as they are, I don’t dare go anywhere without! But it’s the first thing I take off when I walk back in the door at home!!!

    Like

  5. OMG Sasha, that was so wicked funny, nearly peed my pants laughing. I can so see this happening to me and I can hear my own grand daughter saying the same thing! You do not need a genie bra, you only need one with sparkles…… ❤ ya to pieces!

    Like

  6. Sasha I just about spit out my coffee this morning reading this….I lliterally LOL ed…OMG your a hoot and I love your blogs….unicorn to melon wrangled….have a great day Sasha stay Glitterfied!!!You Rock!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s