I rarely write two blog posts about the same exact thing, but I HAD to follow-up the GENIE ZIP BRA! story (if you haven’t read that one yet, it might be good to start here).
Many of you sent me messages about your own Genie Bra, both the non-zip kind and the kind I have, the GENIE ZIP BRA! You loved it, you hated it, you tried it, you tossed it. BUT, several of you said all I had to do was STEP into it, and I wouldn’t have the struggles of getting it on. Of course, I had shoved it in a drawer after my ‘adventure’ and hadn’t gotten around to getting it out and trying it again.
Well, after this week of search and rescue, every bra I had was still either in the dirty clothes hamper, in the washer or not quite dry in the dryer (ok, that means BOTH my good bras, and the one worn-out, stretched-out, ragged one). And Whiskey had a vet visit….and I really need to wear a bra out in public or someone might think I’m smuggling cantaloupes. (At least cantaloupes are in season…it’s hell in the winter.)
So, as I dug around in the drawer, my hands landed on the GENIE ZIP BRA! And I decided at that moment, THIS was the time to try it again. I mean, I was only going to the vet…no make up, no hair fixed, sweats and a t-shirt. The GENIE ZIP BRA seemed like the perfect solution. I zipped it up and began to step into it. It slid up my legs just fine, and I’m thinking….”this might work!” Of course, then it hit the “Butt and Gut” part of my “Butt, Gut and Boobs” body and it hesitated, probably analyzing the ratio of elasticity to material built-in, preparing to stretch to the max at any moment.
But it slid up and over, and arrived at ‘The Girls’…and then easily encased both, creating the perfect Uni-Boob with only minor adjusting. Hmph….how about that. I got it on with minimal twisting and shouting and it was semi-comfortable. Yes, this MIGHT work.
Off to the Vet we go ~ it’s a quick visit, just a well check, some meds and we’re almost ready. The Vet leaves the room to get some free samples for us … and while he’s gone and I’m playing with Whiskey, I begin to feel something in my shirt. And then a loosening…almost like I’m taking my clothes off. I look down and realize ‘The Girls’ are a little looser, not quite in the uni-boob form they were mere minutes ago.
When I take a quick peek inside my t-shirt, my eyes widen at the zipper slowly moving DOWN the GENIE ZIP BRA!, releasing ‘The Girls’ at an alarming rate. I can hear the Vet talking JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR and walking back toward our room…I don’t have time to lift up my t-shirt and begin zipping up the GENIE ZIP BRA! Besides, I KNOW how well that works. I try and hold ‘The Girls” close together, but that’s about as useless as tits on a bull (ya’ll know I HAD to use that, right?).
As the Vet comes back in the room, the zipper is continuing to slide down, making ‘The Girls’ drop lower and lower, and I continue to try and hold them up and together with my arms, held slightly askew, not exactly crossed and not hanging straight down like I’m trying to catch a basketball (well, 2 actually). I mentally hurry the Vet up, thinking if he finishes talking in the next 3 seconds, I might be able to get out of there with some sense of normalcy.
As he finishes up, he tries to hand me the bill and says, ‘Just see Susan on the way out and she’ll get you set up for the next appointment’. My arms are frozen, because I know if I move them, ‘The Girls’ will finish their free fall. I stand there, glossy eyed, willing him to just lay it on the table, hand it to Tater, drop it on the floor or make a paper airplane out of it.
Finally, I tell Tater to grab that as I pick Whiskey up and head out the door. As I stop at the counter to talk to Susan, I am forced to put Whiskey down and retrieve my checkbook from my pocket. As I make that movement, the lowest pieces of zipper make their break from each other and ‘The Girls’ are free….luckily the counter is high and it’s not THAT obvious. However, the zipper on EACH side of the GENIE ZIP BRA is now directly under each arm….sticking straight up and creating a tent-like feature just below the neckline of my old, cheap, thin t-shirt.
It is at that moment that Tater realizes something strange is happening inside my t-shirt….she has been holding Whiskey’s leash, playing with him and not paying me any attention….and neither has Susan. She was busy doing Susan stuff. I was this close to escaping that office with my GENIE ZIP BRA experience all to myself, but my darling Tater had to exclaim, “Sasha, what’s that under your shirt?” loudly enough that the 100-year-old man who lives next door surely heard her.
That also got Susan’s attention and she looked at me, her eyebrows raised in anticipation of the answer, sure to be good and juicy. I had absolutely no choice but to say, “it’s just my bra, falling off and taking my dignity with it” as I picked up my dog, gathered my stuff and headed out the door, feeling the swing of things with every step I took. And THIS is why Tater’s baby doll has a new bathing suit, nude colored and with a zipper in front.
Thanks, as always, for reading what I write, laughing when it’s funny and writing to me with your thoughts ~ I always appreciate you sharing my stories with others and making them laugh, too. Cheers!