Tater and I were headed out the door, to wherever we HAD to go. She cocked her head and wrinkled up her cute, little nose and leaned in closer…I was sure she wanted one last kiss before we got in the car.
No, that wasn’t exactly what she wanted. She said, “Sasha, you don’t smell so good”.
WHAT! I even bathed, brushed my teeth AND fixed my hair and makeup for this adventure…and I don’t SMELL SO GOOD?
Hmmm, I thought about it, smelled myself and DID detect a slight…..unpleasant smell. So I go back and spritz on some more Bath & Body Works Cool Rain so I’ll smell less unpleasant. (Ok, so it was actually a $5.99 CVS knockoff, but whatever…it smelled good to me.)
Of course, by then, all I could think about was stinking in public. And I really, really, really didn’t want to stink in public. (In Private is a whole ‘nuther thing.) I recalled those stinky people I’d been beside in the store and recoiled from, distancing myself by however many steps I could step back and not lose my place in line. Or those people who haven’t bathed in…oh, I don’t know…weeks, that are in the same aisle as you and want the SAME item you have your eye on and you’re trying to decide if you should just forget about it or hold your nose and bravely go where no woman has gone before, snatching the pop tart as quickly as possible, hoping you got the frosted one and not those dry-as-dirt unfrosted ones. And Strawberry. Please God, let my hand land on Strawberry as I turn my head to avoid the smell.
Yeah, I DID NOT want to be that person.
So my senses were on high alert for a whiff of stank on my body. Dammit, I did not have time to go back home, shower and do the whole thing over. I’d just have to roll down the windows and hope for the best. Of course, that would mess up my hair, so THAT wasn’t happening. Maybe the sunroof.
As I thought back over what on earth the smell could be, I thought of all the pleasant smells that I encountered while getting ready ~
I had Dove Go FRESH! bath soap, along with Endless Kiss body scrub and Just Plain Clean Shampoo and Conditioner….then I put on Powder Fresh Deodorant, followed by Warm Vanilla Sugar lotion. I brush my teeth with cinnamon-flavored toothpaste and use spearmint mouthwash.I put on clothes washed in Mountain Fields Detergent and dried with “Original Scent” dryer sheets. Of course, I followed that with the aforementioned Cool Rain Body Spray ~ ah, I was all smelled up and ready to go.
Immediately, I had one thought: What the HELL did an Endless Kiss smell like?
But that still didn’t answer my stinking question…..the one about WHY I was stinky? And I came to only one conclusion:
All those smells had collided on my body chemicals and created a toxic odor, where they fought for the right to be the Dominant smell. I had created a monster and now it was riding herd over me like the Frankenstein of perfumes.
Great ~ I couldn’t create some fabulous new smell that would be the next JLo or Brittany Spears – designed (do I REALLy think they design those fragrances? PULEASE!) designer perfume that sells for $80 an ounce. No, I had to create some stinky smell that will have people wrinkling their nose when they walk close by. And if I see ONE PERSON turn their head and close their eyes while they reach for the Pop Tarts, I’ll be forced to say…
It’s the Endless Kiss, Dammit!
OMGosh, endless kiss sounds exhausting… I am pretty sure it might be a sweaty morning after smell.
Thanks for the laugh, good stuff!
I totally understand this. I’ve always had the same problem when I use Dial soap. Not sure what I smell like to others, but I smell pretty funky to myself. Thankfully, I’m incredibly handsome so that tends to offset the funk. LMAO….
That incredibly handsome thing WILL carry you far 🙂