It’s December 5th, which means there are only 20 days until CHRISTMAS DAY and so far the only decorations in my house are 2 stupid, old, weird elf-on-the-damn-shelf dolls that stare down at me from their precarious perch all day long.  Oh, and a table runner I picked up for 60% off at Target last weekend.  It’s covered with life crap so I can only see parts of it. Makes all that stuff that accumulates on the table look really pretty, though.

So last weekend, my plans were to clean and decorate.  Half is good, right?  I cleaned.  And cleaned. And cleaned some more.  (It would appear we are total slobs, but that’s not exactly the case…just 2 working people – yes, we’re old working people so we move slower – with a hyper, busy, messy, 5-year-old that owns more toys than the toy department at Toys R Us.)

So, this week, the PLAN was to finish cleaning and be prepared to get the tree today, put it up, decorate it, put the stupid time-consuming beautiful snow village out and have all the presents wrapped and under the tree.

I am an idiot.

Mac is leaving work early (!!!) so we can finish cleaning out a spot for the tree.  We’ll pick up Tater at 2:00, head to the tree lot and be back home, ready to ‘celebrate’ all the decorated goodness by 4:00.  No problem, right?

Did I mention that I am an idiot?

There is no humanly way possible to make all this happen, not to mention I have to make a ‘quick trip’ to Wal-Mart (that, too is impossible) to pick up a few things…you know ~ like milk, bread, toilet paper and grits.  Just the basics.

So now I am thinking I need some really big boxes ~ and I’ll just shove everything in the boxes, take them to the garage and go from there….and if we can’t find something we need?  Well, I’m gonna blame it on those stupid, damn Elves. They seem like really devious little bastards and I’m sure they have some really weird shit up their sleeves.  Matter of fact, I might shove one of THEM in the box…now THAT is the best idea I’ve had lately!

Ho, Ho, Freakin’ Ho…..