This is one of my favorite stories ~ and it happened several years ago. But recently a friend, who is new to my blog, said, “Where’s the Bra Story?”. Well, I didn’t want to post things that weren’t current, that I hadn’t written TODAY…sorta felt like cheating. “Oh NO ~ that story makes time stand still” she said. So, here it is…enjoy!
Everyone knows I’m a big-bosomed girl; that’s not a surprise or a shock. It is, however, very important to remember that during the reading of this story.
On the eve of my shoulder surgery, it occurred to me that I wouldn’t be able to wear a bra and the likelihood of going out in public during my recovery was high. I didn’t want to receive pity looks from people because I grew boobs in my stomach, so I rushed to the Internet to purchase a strapless bra. I chose the prettier of the 2 strapless choices in 38DD that JC Penney had on line. It arrived on Friday. Yesterday was the big day I chose to wear it.
How To Put On A Strapless Bra With Only One Arm
So, I shower and dry off, a feat within itself. I get the pretty, clean bra and sling it around my body with the hooks in front of course. I manage to hook all 5 of the hooks in the middle selection and then proceed to attempt to slide it around so the hooks will be in the back and the cups in the front. Now, by this time, I’m slightly damp from perspiration because of the effort I’ve exerted so far. So sliding isn’t exactly easy. As a matter of fact, the SOB will hardly move at all. I have to rest with the hooks and cups on my sides, hoping I’ll not have to go out in public like this, which would actually be worse than having boobs in your stomach.
Finally I get it in the correct place but the back is very low from all that wiggling and moving around, so it appears to be a halter back bra. As I look in the mirror I realize why it hasn’t moved much at all. To be able to support all that weight without straps, they were required to put as much wire and as many seams in the bra as possible. It looks like a freakin’ glider plane with the wings directly under my arms. It is actually standing on it’s own and I bet if I didn’t have it on, it would still stand on it’s own. So after this realization, I try to move it around a bit, fitting things where they should go. I then realize it’s too loose and isn’t as comfy as I hope. I begin to move it back around to change the hooks.
After only 10 minutes of moving, wiggling, tugging and pulling, I manage to get the bra back around with the hooks in the front and the cups in the back. I rehook the hooks in the farthest selection so it will be good and snug. Wouldn’t want it falling down now. I decide to rest a while.
I turn and turn and turn and pull and pull and pull and tug some more and finally get the parts where they should be. Again the back is very low but I figure I’ll just go with it at this point, maybe I’ll wear something backless. So I begin the process of getting things in the proper place in front. I jiggle, shrug and move around until the cups appear to be in the proper place. Now it’s time to check things out and see how it looks.
Oh my god…. there’s enough white material on my front to cover several small children. The bra is actually not touching the front of my body in any place except directly under my boobs where the wires are pretending to be covered. And in reality, the bottom of the bra is about mid-way down my stomach, curling up in ugly bunches in various places. So I proceed to try and turn down all the pieces of material I can reach with one arm. The hell with it, the ones in back won’t be noticed…. I’ll ditch the backless idea anyway.
Now, I have the bra in place to the best of my ability. It’s standing at attention on my front with the wings prepared to take flight under my arms. I guess that’s to take care of any roving breast you might have on your sides. I look online again to see what I ordered. Get this, it’s a MINIMIZER! Maybe if you were an elephant.
So I get dressed, another effort, but I’ve chosen a button up sweater, much easier than anything else. As a matter of fact, I’ve just been able to dress myself today if it’s a button up top. So, I have this sweater on, and it’s sticking out in front with a life of it’s own, but I figure that’s the better of the 2 options. I go run some errands.
Get home and am exhausted. So I crash for a short 2-hour nap. When I awake with a shortness of breath, I realize there’s this vise on my chest…no, wait, I’ve fallen asleep with my bra on!! I get up, somewhat light headed and attempt to get the bra off.
No such luck. It’s stuck like glue. I’m really glad I fastened it tighter now. I tug, rest, tug, rest and finally give up. Maybe if I sit real still the wires won’t cut off my circulation and I’ll be able to breathe. Maybe my husband will come home early.
At 6:00 pm, I hear the door open so I rush to the door with my back turned and my shirt up yelling, “take it off, take it off”. My husband grins and thinks, “OK”. He unhooks the bra and gets it off. I let out a huge breathe of relief, give him the bra and tell him to enjoy himself, I’m sure the bra can hold it’s own.