I’ve got ants.
Everyone has had ants at least once in your adult life as a home dweller, right? (If you say no, I’m just gonna say you’re lying to make me feel better, ok?) If you’re really lucky, you’ve only had to deal with any bug/insect/creature once.
We live in a 150 year old farmhouse with more issues than Cosmo, and we live out in the country. Occasionally, ants will stop by for a snack. We’re not really that kind and loving, but we are sometimes a little sloppy. (Before you freak out and think we live in some dirty, old, nasty home, remember that we DON’T.) I’m always amazed that the ants know about our sloppiness and can find a way in to be fed wonderful snacks of crumbs, even after total obliteration of earlier invasions. They must be pretty smart….
However, the ants I found today are dumbass ants.
Most of the time I’ll find the ant trail in the pantry where SOMEONE (no names please) has left the honey bottle slightly open, the cracker bag wide open (HERE!! COME HAVE A SNACK HERE!!), or some empty candy wrapper (a huge treat for the ants ~ YES! We have found the buffet!!). (You thought the empty candy wrapper goes in the trash? Oh no, that would make too much sense. Yesterday I found an empty pudding cup and the spoon still in the empty cup.)
I’ve even found the ant trail around the sink, and since they are obviously thirsty, I shoot them with the faucet on full blast. Wouldn’t want them dehydrating.
But THESE ants I found today? Nope, none of the ‘normal’ places you would expect to find ants. THESE ants were on my kitchen floor…..and when I followed their stupid little zigzagging asses, I found them heading under the kitchen sink. WHERE THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO FOOD AT ALL. Just some dishwasher detergent, old flower vases, Swiffer cloths, dishcloths, clorox wipes, and a bottle of “Scrub Free Bathroom Cleaner” (I’ve been looking for that
everywhere under the bathroom sink FOREVER, sure it would appear every time I looked).
So I put out the little ant motels, turned out the lights and went in the living room to watch some mindless TV. Where one crawled on my arm. And then another crawled on my arm.
Now they’re in the LIVING ROOM?
Told you they were Dumbass ants. Exterminator is coming tomorrow, when we’re gonna obliterate their Dumb asses all over again.