Off-Road Office Chairs

It sounded like a good idea at the time….

Tater wanted to ride her bike, and since it’s only 91 degrees instead of 101, and there looked to be a storm a’brewin, I said, “Sure….but let’s go over to the church parking lot.”

I had already started thinking about all the details, because I’m a detail girl and even though this APPEARED to be just a girl riding her bike in a parking lot, there was SO much more to consider….

  1. It’s hotter than the gates of hell (the fact that we were headed to church when I thought that isn’t lost on me).
  2. With a storm coming, the chances of us having to suffer through being able to enjoy a long stay would be (mercifully) short.
  3. The church had their parking lot repaved 2 weeks ago and all that smooth asphalt was perfect for bike-riding, but not so good for spectating.

We walked to the garage and as I raised the garage door for her to get the bike, I wondered when I had last seen my camp chair ~ those wonderous folding chairs that come with their own sleeping bag ~ and if, in fact, I still had one.  After a quick glance around the garage, I saw no camp chair, but I DID see the perfect solution:

An office chair, holding space until I could get it upstairs to the Glitter Dome (otherwise known as my office).  

I looked out the garage door at the church parking lot, clearly visible across our yard, through the gravel driveway, and past some bushes.  No Problem! I could easily ROLL that office chair over to the parking lot, park it in the shade and watch that baby girl ride to her hearts content.  Or until the rain rolled in, whichever came first.

Right there, I shoulda backed up and thought through that process, but I kept pushing on.  And just in case you’re wondering, office chairs aren’t really meant to go off-road.

But I persevered, half pushing, half dragging and even resorting to carrying that damn chair over the roughest parts of the journey.  Every now and then, Tater would turn around, look at me and say, “Are you coming?”  

Yes child, I’m coming.  And so is my chair.

We finally made it to the church parking lot, and I parked me and my chair under the thankyoubabyjesus for the tree with shade.

Office chair with me in it
So much better than a Camp Chair!

And THAT’S when the trouble started.

Just about the time Tater made one circle over that smooth as silk new asphalt, a car turned in and pulled up right in front of my chair. I was ALL ready to go all Sashabear on whoever it was DRIVING where my baby girl was riding her bike!

Turns out it was the preacher.  

Now, here’s the thing:  I’ve never met the preacher whose church backs up to our property, through the yard, over the gravel driveway and past the bushes.  Nope, he pretty much stays over at his place on Sunday and Wednesdays and I pretty much stay over at my place. But on a hot Saturday afternoon, we came to know each other a little bit better.

You need to remember a very important fact:  Office chairs have wheels.

When he pulled in, I jumped up, ready to smile, defend our riding, offer a hello, or prepare to leave.

Or at least I TRIED to jump up. 

In the process of attempting to LEAP to my feet to offer whatever it was I needed to offer, my foot (which had been dutifully planted firmly on the ground just mere seconds before) got hung on one of the 5 legs, WITH WHEELS, of the chair.  And with what I can only hope is a shred of grace and dignity, I went down.  I landed on my big ol’ belly, but BECAUSE MY FOOT WAS WRAPPED AROUND A CHAIR WITH WHEELS, the chair came rolling right along with me, so that my ONLY option (hand to GOD, it was the ONLY option), was to just drag the chair along for the ride.

When all the commotion stopped, and I had stopped, I looked up to see exactly what kind of first impression I had made on our neighbor.

But since he was bent over double from laughter, I couldn’t really tell…..

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Thanks for reading what I write.  I love comments and read them all.  And if this made you laugh and you want to share it, that would be just fine, too. 

 

 

 

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17 comments

  1. And then I almost (almost) spit my coffee all over the monitor when I started giggling. Why is it when you want to make a decent impression it becomes comical? Hope you told him you planned that move!

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  2. Sorry to laugh but that was so damn funny, hope you didn’t get hurt. I would of been laying there laughing at myself and cussing the chair

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  3. Surely we must be related! I swear when I need it most my grace (or lack of it) just jumps out and takes off without me!!! Thankful you lived to tell about it! 😉

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  4. I have to admit, I. Could see this happening!
    Trying to compose yourself and everything works the opposite from what was being planned in your mind..lol I’m sure you were embarrassed at the time. But, after the fact you have to chuckle. I’m glad nothing was bike, except for pride. Im sure the preacher got a chuckle, but doesn’t hopefully doesnt preach a ceremony on it… #your #fabulous

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  5. I hope he helped you up. Glad to hear you were ok. My sister and I say all the time that over 50 and a fall could mean broken bones. You’re story did give me a chuckle. You’re still fabulicious.

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  6. Oh my God! I must admit I’ve been laughing since I read you “found” the office chair in the garage….Now, I need to hear “the rest of the story”. Please! May I assume the Pastor offered you a hand to get up after he quit laughing at you?

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  7. Surely there is more to this story! How did you get up? What did you say to the preacher? What did he say to you after the laughing? And all this time, what was Tater doing?? Still just riding her bike? AND what did MAC have to say about this adventure?? Come on…don’t leave us hangin’ !!!

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  8. “She is as graceful as the night.”
    I would have just laughed along with him!!! We must laugh at ourselves sometimes, right?
    Anyway I hope you didnt get hurt! What happened next? Did you just leave, did you stay, what did Tater do?

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