I cannot make this shit up. Even if I could, I don’t think I would EVER think to make up something like what happened to me yesterday…..
I was driving along, minding my own business, even sorta paying attention to the world around me. Nary a cell phone was in sight. Let me set this up for you:
The road was 2 lanes and there were several cars behind a ‘chicken truck’ and I was one of those several cars. (Just in case you’re unclear as to what a ‘chicken truck’ is, it’s a tractor-trailer/semi flatbed carrying crates/cartons/cases of live chickens.) The road was changing to 4 lanes just up ahead and we were all anxious to pass the chicken truck.
IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, ARE VERY SENSITIVE OR ARE EATING WHILE YOU ARE READING THIS
>>>> ***STOP NOW***!!!<<<<<
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!
As soon as the road changed to 4 lanes, we all began passing the chicken truck. There was a stop light ahead and we all saw the red light, but apparently the truck driver did not. The car in front of me stopped at the red light and so did I.
The trucker was in the left lane and didn’t see the light until it was almost too late. He slammed on his brakes and stopped just passed the white line. When he did that…everything jossled in the back of the truck….and I mean EVERYTHING.
Apparently, the crates that were holding some of the chickens weren’t latched very well at all. So when the truck came to a full stop at the stop light, the chickens said, “HEY – Lookee here! We can GET OUT!”
And they did. Get OUT! They hopped down, flew a little, landed on the bed of the truck and on the road.
Now, I need to tell you that the guy driving the little Honda in front of me was blowing the horn, waving his arms, yelling ~ doing all the things he could do to get the attention of the truck driver before the light changed to green.
Me? I was trying to move my truck a little bit to the right so the two chickens that were right at my wheels wouldn’t get crushed when I moved.
The driver didn’t see anything. He DID NOT SEE live chickens flying all over the road, landing on the bed of the truck, falling to the road, hanging out all over cars or the general disarray that was about to take place.
The light turned green. The driver drove. Chickens didn’t make it. PEOPLE WERE GOING CRAZY!!!
Cars were diving off the road, more chickens were flying off the truck, hitting cars and the road and anything else in their path.
Well, I couldn’t just let this continue because now I’M the one right behind the truck. So I do what any woman alone in this kind of situation would do: I called 911.
“911-what is your emergency?”
Me: “There’s chickens all over the road!!!!!!!”
“Ma’am, is this a fire or medical emergency?”
Me: “I DON’T KNOW…THERE IS THIS CHICKEN TRUCK AND THE LATCH TO THE CHICKEN COOP-THINGY’S ARE UNHOOKED AND THERE ARE CHICKENS FLYING OUT OF THE TRUCK GOING EVERYWHERE. PEOPLE ARE RUNNING OFF THE ROAD, TRYING TO MISS THE FLYING CHICKENS AND THEY ARE D.Y.I.N.G. ALL OVER THE PLACE”
“Yes Ma’am. Where are you now?”
Me: “On a bridge”. (I think he wanted more info….)
“Ma’am, what bridge?”
Me: “ummmm, I’m not sure..hang on….Oh Shit, there’s another one….I Goootttttaaaa miss it….Oh, sorry about that. The Shit part I mean. Ok, I’m on Hwy 115”
“North or South?”
Me: “Huh? I just crossed the bridge before the fire department….OH WAIT, he’s turning, he’s turning. He’s turning….into the road to the chicken plant. Oh GOOD! You can get him! CALL THEM NOW!!!”
“Yes Ma’am, we’ll call the chicken plant now. Thank you ma’am.”
Now, I am TORN UP about all this and have to pull over and rest a little bit before I get where I’m going.
My next thought is to what happened with the driver pulled up to the gate at the Chicken Plant….
“Ah, Norm (apologies to all the people named Norm out there….), you seem to be missing a few chickens…..”
Norm: “What are you talking about? Don’t you think I would notice if I was missing a few chickens?”
No Norm, I do not think you’d notice at all.
Lipstick, Margaritas and Hairspray 
My cousin hit a cow while driving a Geo Metro and the nearly dead but still able to flail cow ended up sitting in the passenger seat with its head sticking out the windshield. Before the days of cellphones so he had to walk 2 miles in the dark to get home and round up help to finish off the cow and then tow the car away. There was no attempts made to save the car.
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Sasha,
Dayum, I now have to go change my drawers. I laughed so hard I wet my pants. Girl, the things that happen in your life make me laugh every day.
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Sasha,
This is too funny! I’m ROFLMBO!
I was going to my daughters for a visit and taking my sins four children. We got stuck in Atlanta traffic, close to a truck hauling cows/bulls as we are picking up speed choas broke out in the van. Laughing, yelling, pointing, and if they said Nanny once they said it a hundred times.
One of the bulls decided he needed to pee on the Atlanta highway! By the time I realized what they thought was so funny, I had to turn my wipers on and clean the windshield.
Just one of the great roadtrips with Nanny!
Hurry with that book! Can’t wait for the laughs!
I love all the Plum books, grandma is a hoot!
Cheers!🍷🍹
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My son hit a cow on his motorcycle. Big cow, big Harley. My son was upset, he’d have to pay a deductable. The cow was perturbed, but otherwise both were fine. Figure that one out? At night, going 55 on a country highway, hits a cow and they ‘re both fine? Angels. It’s the only thing I can think of.
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Heather ~ Holy COW! That would have scared the begessus out of me! And yeah, that’s pretty amazing that they were both ok 🙂
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Sounds like a Stephanie Plum scenario 🙂
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I LOVE Stephanie Plum! I’m writing a book, too (shhh, it’s a secret) and I can’t wait til I can post pieces of that on here, too!
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And here I thought almost hitting a cow crossing the road this afternoon was a big deal. I know, the carnage was probably awful, but I can’t help but laugh. Your kids weren’t in the car, were they? Oh, I can’t even imagine the chaos my kids would be in if they were to witness this, and they are used to the sight of dead chickens.
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I think hitting a cow would be pretty major…and painful – ha! No kids, but I was a baby enough after it was all over~and yes, I laugh every time I tell it now…and so do the people that I tell it to!
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Oh my gosh, I laughed my butt off at this post. I was actually driving by a chicken farm yesterday and almost hurled the smell — I can’t imagine if they were actually flying at my car!
BTW, because you’re awesome (and not just because this post almost made me pee my pants), I’ve awarded you the Liebster Award: http://pocketfulofjoules.com/2012/09/10/im-a-liebster-award-winner-heck-yeah/
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Wow! Thanks, that’s fantabulous! And sometimes peeing in your pants is a given 🙂
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I read this with my hand over my mouth. OMG!!! I cannot even imagine! That is just cRaZy! Good for you for calling 911 though. And hopefully writing this was cathartic, to help you get the image of those poor chickies out of your mind!
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I had a friend call me this morning and say, “Did this REALLY happen?” OH YEAH, every last detail is absolutely the way it happened. It was the craziest thing I’d seen in a long, long time!
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DAMN! People sure are S.T.U.P.I.D!
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No Question about THAT!
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This is the kind of stuff we don’t want happening in Charlotte during the DNC!!! This could really give the New South a new definition!!!
I have just stopped laughting….there was a you tube moment here I am sure!
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I DO wonder if someone caught that on camera??? Hadn’t thought of that! And yes…the New South still has some Old ways!
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And that’s why I stay away from trucks with livestock if all possible….never know what will come out the truck. I would have loved to have seen that from a distance.
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From now on, I’m staying FAR, FAR away! And seeing it from a distance would have been the best possible way!!
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oh my that is a funny story. how could he not see the chaos and mayem all around him with all the chickens??
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No Kidding!! The poor guy in front of me was just going crazy trying to get his attention…but no…he was totally clueless!
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Did you think to ask any of them why they were crossing the road?
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Damn, I knew I should have asked them something!!!
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Wow….this is the kind of thing that only ever happens to other people. What an experience! I know you are shook up about it but I would have totally saved the chickens! I’m the type of girl who would call in sick and chase those chickens all over the place. I may even bring a few home. . . Lol.
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It all happened so fast I couldn’t do a thing ~ really freaky!
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