August 10, 2012Sasha

Real? Puh-lease!

Recently, someone mentioned the Real Housewives of Some Big City and, in the same sentence, how ending all Reality TV shows would be beneficial to everyone.  Since I’d never seen any of the Real Housewives but was intrigued interested bored by the commercial, and didn’t really watch Reality TV (I get enough Reality with every day living), I thought I should do a little research in case I wanted to write about it, so I Googled it.

The Original…

I chose the Real Housewives of Orange County to watch because that was the one that started the series and I wanted to make sure I was looking at the REAL Real Housewives.  I managed to watch 8 minutes before I closed the tab and thought…Holy Shit, what is wrong with these people???

These people don’t live in the Real World.  I’m not sure if they know the definition of Housewives, but whatever it is they’re doing?  That’s not like any Real Housewife I’ve EVER known. And yes….I know life is different when you are super wealthy and live in a big city.  I know life is different in different parts of the country and world. I know housewives mean different things to different people.

But these Housewives?  Nope, not a single one is Real, no matter where they live.

So, to help the producers, writers, players and pretenders, I thought I’d help them out by creating a list of what it’s like to be a Real Housewife.  I live in the Rural South, so that’s where My Real Housewife Lives….I’m sure they’ll be calling me next week to begin filming.  I would have filmed this list but I’m incognito right now ~ you know, in case I get famous from the show. Duh!

The Real Housewives of the South Top 10 List of REALITY:

  1. We weren’t born with a Silver Spoon in our mouth, but we can find the spoon, polish it up and know exactly which side of the plate it should be on.  (That’d be the right….we’ve been to enough weddings, showers and parties to know because we’re the ones who put these shin-digs on and do all the work.)
  2. We Can Drive…..anything.  We were driving tractors by the time we were 10 and Stick Shifts by the time we were 15.  And yes, we CAN parallel park, Thank You!  We’re not great with the snow because we only get a dusting once every year and then it’s gone when we wake up.  And when the snow is falling, our only concern is if it’s sticking or not.  We’ll explain that to everyone later.
  3. We work.  Sometimes we work outside the home.  We do Manual Labor.  We bring home the bacon AND fry it up in the pan. It’s a true treat if we can hire someone else clean the house on any type of schedule and we tidy up before they get to the house ’cause we wouldn’t want them to see our mess.  Mama’s Rules.
  4. We love our mama’s and daddy’s and our families but they drive us absolutely crazy.  We can call them crazy but NOBODY else can.  And we’ll get in your face and tell you that.
  5. We absolutely LOVE our Best Girlfriends.
  6. We are gonna talk about everyone we see….but you will never know we’re talking bad about you. This is a Southern Skill and you have to learn it from the time you’re a baby in your mama’s arms to be able to get it just right as a Southern Housewife.  Anything usually followed with “Bless her little heart” should put you on alert.
  7. Most of us have threatened to “Whup someone’s Ass” at least once.  We were serious.
  8. We have Big Homes, Fancy Cars and Nice Things. We just don’t talk about them or show them off all the time.  And you are always welcome to spend the night or Stay A-while if you need to.
  9. We love all things Southern ~ from the Sweet Tea to July 4th Vacations at the Seashore (better known as THE Beach to us…and that’d be Myrtle Beach).
  10. Don’t mistake our Southern drawl, our slower speech, or our laid back ways for stupidity.  That would be a big mistake.  We’ll rip out your heart while it’s still beating, turn it over, bless it and hand it back on a silver platter if you make us mad.  And we always stick together.

Now I know you all have numbers 11, 12, 13, 14 and everything else all lined up to tell me what it’s like for you ~ so, just keep the comments coming!  There’s so many more fabulous things we ARE but I couldn’t list them all ~ I want to hear what it’s like for  Your Real Housewife where you live!

Bless Your Little Hearts….ya’ll come on over anytime.

One of my favorite drawings of what I imagine Southern Women to be!

23 comments

  3. Speaking of driving, none of us are ever driven by limos. We usually round up enough ladies with cars, yes cars and not covered wagons, to take our pretty darling behinds anywhere we need to go in numbers!

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  4. Hello – found you via the TGIF Blog Hop. Love your top 10 list! I’m a New Englander, but visited Mississippi every summer and Christmas to see family. I totally understand #2. I learned to drive down in Mississippi when I was 14 – several years before I was allowed to drive up north!

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    • Hi! Thanks for stopping by ~ and yes….learning to drive in the country is TOTALLY different than in the city. We have family in Memphis with a 15 year old ~ and they are saying, “How on earth will she learn to drive with these busy, crazy roads!”….just bring her on down, we’ll take care of everything 🙂 Enjoy!

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    • WOW! Thank you so much ~ I am honored for 2 reasons (I’m sure there are more, but we’ll start with 2)….#1 – This is the 1st award I’ve gotten for my blog, so it’ll always be special and #2 – You took the time to include me in your favs. Wow, again. Thanks, I’ll be writing today!

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      • I had never received one either and I think I cried. I don’t write because I think I can or I think it will bring me fame. I write in order to heal wounds of my past and also in hopes of meeting new friends just like you! I am glad our paths crossed my dear! Keep writing and keep making people like me smile. xo

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  6. “Most of us have threatened to “Whup someone’s Ass” at least once. We were serious.”

    I love southern women…sigh. I stay away from margarita’s cause they make me want to follow through on that threat. But I’m always happy to buy one for a lady.

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  7. I LOVE this post and I think I love you! Ha….honestly you have one rockin blog! Sending big love from one Southern mama to another! Drop by and see me at The Madness of Mommyhood

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    • I’m still waiting for the tv people to come calling…wanting to know how normal people live. Unfortunately, they’ll have to keep looking ’cause we’re far from normal ~ ha! Yep, one of my favorite quotes, too! Welcome ~ margaritas to you!

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  10. Oops ~ typed “left” instead of “Right”….I could go into a long discussion about the way my brain works and how I know the correct answer but I was thinking too hard about typing and my fingers override my brain frequently…yeah, I could do that but it’d take too long. Fixed it already 🙂 (Now for those of you reading this later that don’t subscribe to the email version of my blog…you’re thinking “What in the Hell is she talking about?” Soooo not gonna tell you!)

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