Dusty Memories….

(Part of this story first appeared on my Facebook page on Saturday, 8/9/14)

We are all piled in Mac’s truck…family and friend, and we’re headed to my parents house for the last load…the last pile, the last box. Moving men are just ahead of us, prepared to sweat and lift and move and push and shove (Thank GAWD) while we pick up, pull up, pack away and prepare to move everything that’s left OUT.

Then the For Sale sign will go up and that house will be a memory. It holds no special memories for me because I never lived there….my childhood home was in many places, moving as often as we did. But all my parents stuff was in this house and it won’t all fit in the new, smaller place next door to me, so lots of it will go in storage until a time comes to go through it all and sort and decide what to keep and what to toss.

Mama wants to keep everything, so we will…..I see I come by that honestly….and there are patterns, jewelry, photos, notes and strings of yarn, all knitted together with 87 years of life. Some of those things hold special memories for my parents, some just a reflection of an earlier time, a tiny nugget of a different place, a different life. I’ll never know all the memories, or what the small things mean and I hate I missed out on that story.

We’ll work together, packing and boxing the last remnants, and labeling so we’ll have a clue what each box holds when Mama wants a recipe or a pattern…

In the corner of the living room, under a box of pictures and receipts, covered in dust and memories is my old piano stool.  When I was 5 or 6, Daddy bought me an old, upright, used piano for $50 and I’m betting it was part of a payment for carpenter work he did for many of our friends and friends of friends.  I was in Heaven and couldn’t WAIT to start taking lessons.

But I HATED that piano stool…I wanted one like the piano teacher had ~ the long, sleek bench seat that you could raise the lid and stash sheet music and lesson books inside ~ that was the seat I knew was the best one for playing the piano.  I had NO use for that rickety, small, uncomfortable OLD stool.

piano stool

As time went by, the stool went along with us everywhere we moved.  The last I remember it being used was as an extra seat when company came to dinner ~ a rare occasion.  I began to see the beauty in that old stool ~ the glass balls for feet, the well-worn, smooth wood on the seat, the hand carved legs.  I have no idea where it came from but that’s on my list of stories to hear ~ very soon.

Today, the stool sits in my living room ~ waiting for Tater to spin ’round and ’round on it, and maybe sliding it under her own piano one day, taking lessons….and wishing she had a long, sleek bench of her own….

At 51, I think I have YEARS to go before I have to do this….but I should be more careful, more sharing, more aware and tell my family the stories I want told. They might not listen, but I hope they hear what I’m saying and remember it when I turn 87 and am packing all my treasures in a box. I’m gonna go ahead and make up some labels that say, “Glitter” because I feel pretty sure I’ll have LOTS of it by then.

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Thanks for reading my words ~ If you LOVE them lots, share them with others, too…..Your mama (and mine) would want you to share :D

 

Just Zip It!

I rarely write two blog posts about the same exact thing, but I HAD to follow-up the GENIE ZIP BRA! story (if you haven’t read that one yet, it might be good to start here).

Many of you sent me messages about your own Genie Bra, both the non-zip kind and the kind I have, the GENIE ZIP BRA!   You loved it, you hated it, you tried it, you tossed it.  BUT, several of you said all I had to do was STEP into it, and I wouldn’t have the struggles of getting it on.  Of course, I had shoved it in a drawer after my ‘adventure’ and hadn’t gotten around to getting it out and trying it again.

Well, after this week of search and rescue, every bra I had was still either in the dirty clothes hamper, in the washer or not quite dry in the dryer (ok, that means BOTH my good bras, and the one worn-out, stretched-out, ragged one).  And Whiskey had a vet visit….and I really need to wear a bra out in public or someone might think I’m smuggling cantaloupes.  (At least cantaloupes are in season…it’s hell in the winter.)

So, as I dug around in the drawer, my hands landed on the GENIE ZIP BRA!  And I decided at that moment, THIS was the time to try it again.  I mean, I was only going to the vet…no make up, no hair fixed, sweats and a t-shirt.  The GENIE ZIP BRA seemed like the perfect solution.

I zipped it up and began to step into it.  It slid up my legs just fine, and I’m thinking….”this might work!”  Of course, then it hit the “Butt and Gut” part of my “Butt, Gut and Boobs”  body and it hesitated, probably analyzing the ratio of elasticity to material built-in, preparing to stretch to the max at any moment.

But it slid up and over, and arrived at ‘The Girls’…and then easily encased both, creating the perfect Uni-Boob with only minor adjusting.

Hmph….how about that.  I got it on with minimal twisting and shouting and it was semi-comfortable.  Yes, this MIGHT work.

Off to the Vet we go ~ it’s a quick visit, just a well check, some meds and we’re almost ready. The Vet leaves the room to get some free samples for us … and while he’s gone and I’m playing with Whiskey, I begin to feel something in my shirt.  And then a loosening…almost like I’m taking my clothes off.

I look down and realize ‘The Girls’ are a little looser, not quite in the uni-boob form they were mere minutes ago.  When I take a quick peek inside my t-shirt, my eyes widen at the zipper slowly moving DOWN the GENIE ZIP BRA!, releasing ‘The Girls’ at an alarming rate.

I can hear the Vet talking JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR and walking back toward our room…I don’t have time to lift up my t-shirt and begin zipping up the GENIE ZIP BRA!  Besides, I KNOW how well that works.   I try and hold ‘The Girls” close together, but that’s about as useless as tits on a bull (ya’ll know I HAD to use that, right?).

As the Vet comes back in the room, the zipper is continuing to slide down, making ‘The Girls’ drop lower and lower, and I continue to try and hold them up and together with my arms, held slightly askew, not exactly crossed and not hanging straight down like I’m trying to catch a basketball (well, 2 actually).  I mentally hurry the Vet up, thinking if he finishes talking in the next 3 seconds, I might be able to get out of there with some sense of normalcy.

As he finishes up, he tries to hand me the bill and says, ‘Just see Susan on the way out and she’ll get you set up for the next appointment’.  My arms are frozen, because I know if I move them, ‘The Girls’ will finish their free fall.  I stand there, glossy eyed, willing him to just lay it on the table, hand it to Tater, drop it on the floor or make a paper airplane out of it.

Finally, I tell Tater to grab that as I pick Whiskey up and head out the door.  As I stop at the counter to talk to Susan, I am forced to put Whiskey down and retrieve my checkbook from my pocket.

As I make that movement, the lowest pieces of zipper make their break from each other and ‘The Girls’ are free….luckily the counter is high and it’s not THAT obvious.  However, the zipper on EACH side of the GENIE ZIP BRA is now directly under each arm….sticking straight up and creating a tent-like feature just below the neckline of my old, cheap, thin t-shirt.

It is at that moment that Tater realizes something strange is happening inside my t-shirt….she has been holding Whiskey’s leash, playing with him and not paying me any attention….and neither has Susan.  She was busy doing Susan stuff.

I was this close to escaping that office with my GENIE ZIP BRA experience all to myself, but my darling Tater had to exclaim, “Sasha, what happened to your boobs?” loudly enough that the 100-year-old man who lives next door surely heard her.

That also got Susan’s attention and she looked at me, her eyebrows raised in anticipation of the answer, sure to be good and juicy.

I had absolutely no choice but to say, “they just decided they needed to be free today” as I picked up my dog, gathered my stuff and headed out the door, feeling the swing of things with every step I took.

And THIS is why Tater’s baby doll has a new bathing suit, nude colored and with a zipper in front.

zipper

I couldn’t exactly take a picture of what was happening, but here’s a picture of a zipper and THIS is what I saw when I peeked.

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Thanks, as always, for reading what I write, laughing when it’s funny and writing to me with your thoughts ~ I always appreciate you sharing my stories with others and making them laugh, too.  Cheers!

 

Heartbreak and Joy ~ courtesy of a little Whiskey

I don’t want another dog, especially an inside dog.  We have 2 outside dogs, and 2 cats, that come and go as they please.  I am in animal nirvana ~ cuddles and love at my will and nothing to tie me down if I need to go somewhere for more than one day.

Let me be clear… I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER DOG.

However, Tater’s other train wreck of a family get her a dog at every new place they land, and then when they leave the place or the person, the puppy never follows.  I have dried so many tears about lost puppies, missing animals and heartache at what could have been and wasn’t.

Two weeks ago was the LAST Straw. Yet ANOTHER puppy taken away and the tears that came reminded Tater of all the other lost animals and anguish she suffered from every move.

OK OK OK OK OK OK OK.  I’ll get a dog.  An INSIDE dog.  I don’t WANT an inside dog but it’s what this baby wants and it’ll make her feel better, so we’ll get one.

But, since I know I’ll be the main caregiver of this little animal, (I’m not THAT stupid), I get to decide on what kind of dog.  And I wanted a Puggle.  OMG, if you haven’t seen them, google it.  Wait! No…just read on….

Now, we are rescue and animal shelter people.  Hell, we’re animals-seen-on-the-side-of-the-road people.  Even my full blooded boxer was a rescue after his mom died when he was 7 days old.  We have a beagle that was a rescue from a beagle rescue group and the cats just kinda showed up. (I’m pretty sure there’s a network of underground animal leaders that take strays to good homes…we must be on that network SOME where.)  So I started my search online for a Puggle….and it didn’t take long.

Saturday, we just missed one as it was adopted before we got to the shelter.  I had emailed a group about 100 miles away, but that one wasn’t really available.  Sunday I was looking and happened to look AGAIN at the local county animal shelter and THERE was one.

We called, they still had him and we left immediately.

We met “Eli” and immediately I knew THIS was the one.  After about an hour, he was ours and we headed to Pet Smart to get all the stuff he’d need to be our new baby.  He was 1 year old, already up to date on shots, neutered, crate trained and house broken.  I mean, really…the perfect dog.  He never barked the entire time we met him and had him.

Pet Smart is in a very large, very busy shopping center that includes a Super Wal-Mart and about 30 retail shops.  We got out, walking  him on the leash and went inside…picked out a crate, pillow, toys, brush and harness.  When Mac was slipping the harness off him he slipped out of the leash, too.  He was walking slowly and I went after him….which is when he picked up speed and hauled ass.

The story would end here, but the door happened to be open and out he went…looking for freedom and the family he left behind.  I, along with several other kind, helpful, gracious people chased him all over the parking lot, watching as he dodged cars and people, running just out of reach of helping hands.

Two younger and faster teens chased him down a huge embankment, behind Urgent Care.  They lost sight of him by the time we got there.  We continued searching and calling…looking and yelling…crying and walking.

It was time to pick up Tater…this was to be a surprise for her and I THANK the stars I didn’t tell her about him.  I left to go get her and Mac stayed to search some more.  When we got back, we told her we were helping someone look for their dog.

We finally went home almost at dark.  After a shower, I came back and left a crate, food and water, hoping he’d come back.

I was heartbroken, sick with guilt and ‘if only’s’.  I wanted that little dog SO much.  Mac was upset as well, but asked why I was SO upset…after all, I’d only had him for less than 2 hours.  I simply couldn’t explain it….there was some bond.

Monday morning, Tater and I went back, spending hours driving around the shopping center, neighborhoods close by and calling out his name the entire time.  Tuesday we repeated this effort. I had already called the animal control, all the vets, stopped by businesses and stopped the mailman and utility workers I saw out.  He was no where to be seen or found.

Wednesday morning I had an appointment so I couldn’t go early and look some more.  At 10:30, Animal Control called and said someone had reported seeing a puggle running through their yard.  Tater and I jumped in the car, I cancelled my appointment and we were off.

This kind, kind man and his son talked to me and let me wander around his very large yard  ~ he confirmed it was ours from the picture, but they weren’t sure which way he ran, because he was FAST.

Tater and I drove around for 5 hours, hitting all the neighborhoods, going around in circles and parking with a hamburger, water and food, while calling his name over and over and over and over….I did tell her we were trying to adopt this little dog, after she heard me tell the story so many times and starting thinking about it. She said, “OH Thank you”….but we still had no dog.  I may have shed a tear at that moment.

Finally, ready to give it up for the day, I made one last circle of the area in my truck…just as I was ready to turn for home, I looked over and he was standing in that same yard! As I ran to get him, he dashed away, but I decided to hang out in that yard until he came back.

After an hour of calling and walking the grass bare, I looked down and he stood there, just out of my reach….I could just see him thinking…’What?”

I grabbed the food and went toward him as he ducked under a fallen tree, surrounded by thigh high bushes, limbs, briars and kudzu.  It’s important at this point to say I was wearing a knee length denim skirt and flip flops cause I didn’t have this adventure planned when I left the house.

I headed in, flip flopped feet being as stealthy as I could, tossing food at him as he hid under the tree, just out of reach.  I kept moving, tossing and calling.  Finally straddling a tree limb (and I hope NOTHING else) and seeing blood run down my legs from the briars, I was close enough to grab him.  I drug him out from under the tree, slapped the leash on him and yelled for Tater to come around the other side of the ravine.  I was also thinking how smart it was of her to put on fur lined boots in the 90 degree weather….who knew she’d be the one prepared.

I called Mac, who had made it home….he said he’d meet us at PetSmart to get his stuff…..and where I carried him in my arms the entire time, with his leash on and firmly wrapped around my hand, my arm and the buggy.

And NOW, I’d like to introduce you to Whiskey…..I changed his name because the little SOB NEVER once came when I called him Eli, and if I never say that again, it’ll be too soon!

Whiskey

There were SO many wonderful, caring people that stopped to help me look, ran after him, took my number to call and just said, “Good Luck”.  This tells me there really are kind and good souls in our world ~ so I say Thanks to Karma and everything and everyone else I prayed to that we’d find our Whiskey.

And now, when I ask, “Can I bring Whiskey?”, it’ll mean something TOTALLY different…it’ll mean I have to carry 2 things :) 

The only Genie I need is one in a bottle…

I was seduced by the ads on TV….and one too many pop-ups on my Facebook page.  The pull was just too much ~ shape, support, lift, comfort, ease.  Words I had never personally experienced while wearing a bra.

You see, my boobies (as Tater likes to call them) are rather large.  Ok, very large.  And for the rest of this story, will be referred to as simply, “The Girls”.  And The Girls need some support or I’ll be having half a boob falling out on one side and half a boob coming out the top of the other side of my bra.  And comfort?  Ha!  I can only hope the wires don’t break a rib and the straps don’t indent my shoulders more than 1/2 inch every day.  The joys of ‘big chested girls’ are endless.

Screen shot 2014-07-21 at 8.04.12 AM

So I ordered a GENIE ZIP BRA!.  I wasn’t smart enough to drop by the “As Seen on TV” section in Wal-Mart and check them out there….Nope, I had to order one.  Of course, all I had to do was pop online, type a few things and give them my Credit Card info.  It was really too easy.

I anxiously awaited the arrival of my new GENIE ZIP BRA!, sure it was going to change my life.  I could hardly wait to get it on and be comfortable all day!  Oh the excitement!!

The day it arrived at the Post Office, I refrained from opening it in the car…I wanted to wait until I got home so I could try it on as soon as I saw it so I rushed home (ok, it’s only 1/2 mile, but I drove pretty fast), ripped off my shirt and bra as soon as I got inside and was ready to wear my comfort like the heart on my sleeve.

When I got it out of the box, it looked a little small, but I was optimistic. I checked the size and it was right so I slung it around my back and was ready to zip, zip, zip.

Except the two parts of the zipper were about a mile apart….and one of them was under my arm.  So I stretched.  And Pulled.  And stretched some more.  Then I pulled some more.  And again, pulling on it like old-salt-water-taffy-you-find-in-your-Aunt-Ethel’s-attic-and-wonder-if-it’s-still-good pulling.

I finally got the 2 sides to meet over The Girls.  And I held them together as close as I could, willing the zipper to meet just enough to catch, to “Zip up with ease”, to make all the stars align and the karma of bras work for me.

I pulled, I held and I yanked.  I pulled, I turned, I stretched, I held, I cussed. They just weren’t close enough.  Maybe Tater could help.

TATER!  Please come help me….

I hold the 2 sides together, using both hands,trying to keep the GENIE ZIP BRA! over The Girls long enough for her to just zip up the little flippin zipper.  I’m holding on for dear life, knowing that if I let go, I might injure a child with a flying boob.  She pulls and struggles and holds the zipper…we are both sweating, I’m cussing in my head and she’s just puzzled as to why the zipper won’t go up.

It MIGHT be because there’s 2 cantaloupes in this GENIE ZIP BRA! and it’s made for 2 large pears.

As I’m working on the zipper some more, having given up the child approach, the GENIE ZIP BRA! slowly begins to creep up and over The Girls, so that it’s resting totally on top of them and just under my chin. The Girls are hanging low and swinging free…but guess what?  I got the damn zipper zipped.

Now as much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t let that be the end….the damn thing was zipped, and on me, so now I bent over and started tugging and pulling the GENIE ZIP BRA! Over The Girls, hoping I could smush them in just long enough to get the damn thing down over them.

After about 10 minutes of doing enough exercise to qualify for the contortionist team at the next Olympics, both The Girls were in the place they were supposed to be in the GENIE ZIP BRA!

Unfortunately, they were so squashed they really had no option other than to come out the top AND the bottom of the GENIE ZIP BRA! making for a very interesting visual….kinda like a can of biscuits that’s just opened ~ you could see fleshy parts coming out all sides.  (My apologies for the visual you’ll get FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE every time you slap that can of biscuits on the counter top.)

So, my GENIE ZIP BRA! experience wasn’t the best ~ I was hoping for a comfortable, wear-around-the-house-and-occasionally-to-Dollar-General bra, but I think it’ll mostly be for used for exercising.  And by exercising, I mean putting the GENIE ZIP BRA! on and then taking it off ~ that’s more exercising than I usually get and I don’t even have to leave my bedroom.

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Hey! Thanks for reading what I write and hanging out with me ~ I really appreciate it!  And if you love this, feel free to share it.  (I know your mama always told you to share.) You might wanna mention the part about not drinking anything WHILE they’re reading it though…saves a lot on computer repair that way :)

Just in Case….

Three pairs of Jeans…..I took 3 pairs of jeans to the cabin for a 1 week vacation.  It’s important to note that I haven’t worn jeans 3 times in the last 2 months.  HELLO ~ It’s summer, I live in the South and it’s HAWT.  Really Hawt.

It’s also important to note that I have a knee-length denim skirt that I wear 3 out of 5 days in the summer….ok, 5 out of 5 days but I wash it at day 2.  Or 3.

So why would I pack 3 pairs of jeans, and a WHOLE lotta other crap for a week’s vacation? Because….Just in Case.

Yep, Just in Case has been kicking my packing butt forEVAH….and here’s proof.

When I was 17, between Junior and Senior year of High School, the stars aligned, the parents prayed, gas was $1.25 a gallon (and I weighed around 105 pounds).   Those facts converged and I made plans to go with my cousin to stay with her Grandmother for a month in Huntington, WV.

We packed up my little 2 seater sports car ($1000 in 1976 – big time!) with so much stuff, I wasn’t sure there would be enough room for us.  Luckily, we were mush smaller back then.  The suitcases barely fit in the trunk, but we shoved and pushed and crammed til everything was set.

We made it to WV, and to her Grandmothers, where I began unpacking what I THOUGHT I needed for a MONTH’S stay….JUST IN CASE.

I can still hear my cousins laughter while I was unpacking ~ but I think she laughed the hardest when I unpacked my prom gown and McDonald’s uniform.

You know…JUST IN CASE I needed a formal or a fast food uniform while we were there…..

I couldn’t find a picture of me in my prom dress (I didn’t look very hard) but it was surprisingly easy to find a picture of me in my McDonald’s uniform.  I’m not sure what that says about our photo storage, but suddenly I want a plain cheeseburger and diet coke.

I really LOVED the dark blue polyester one the best...

I really LOVED the dark blue polyester one the best…

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Thanks for reading the gibberish I write ~ I really do appreciate it.  It’s even funnier if you’re drinking rum or whiskey (or just about any alcoholic beverage) while you’re reading it.  And if you really love it, be sure and share it on your facebook page, your website and public bathroom walls.  Cause mama always said you should share, right?  Cheers :D

Sure, I have Goals….

I was scrolling through Pinterest (otherwise known as the great time-sucking site) and found “Goals for the Week”…this was a board with sticky notes for each day so you could change them out.

goals

The Very First thing I noticed was how neat this chic wrote.  I can hardly read my scribble when I’m TRYING to make a list so I’ll know what I need when I get to the store.  (And yes…ya’ll have been very helpful in suggesting I use my phone or tablet to make those lists, but what can I say…I’m old.  I like paper.)

The 2nd thing I noticed was that our lives are VERY different.   So I thought I should make a list of my goals for This Week ~ I’ll use a typical week in our world, when school is in and Mac is working and life is ‘normal’….whatever the hell that is.

Goal List For Week:

make_it_to_school_on_time-642195fix_a_meal_that_everyone_likes-642201

stay_one_load_ahead-642204dont_make_2_appointments-642207pretend_i_know_the_answer-642209never_ever_run_of_out-642210

Yep, mine are a little different…..but I’m good with that.  Especially the last one.  Matter of fact, that one will be at the top of the Goals each week.  Might even glue that sucker down so it’s ALWAYS on the List.

It’s the Little things, Ya’ll….

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Thanks so much for reading what I write.  And hanging out with me.  And writing to tell me random, strange things.  I really do appreciate it ~ and if you wanna share this post, that’d be kinda great, too!

Hollywood called…they want their camera back…

Holy Smokes ~ I have videotaped myself and no one died.  Well, I don’t think anyone died….no one TOLD me they died. Which would be REALLY hard to do.  Never mind.

ANYway, I was sitting in the “Student Center” of our local Community College while Tater is in “Math Thru Art” Camp (I’m not sure she’s convinced this is real camp just yet, but she’s 7 and I’m 51 and I feel pretty sure I can still trick her in going back for the next 3 sessions….).  They have a really, REALLY nice set up here ~ like so nice I’m thinking of coming back ‘just because’.  It’s quiet, there’s lots of tables with plug ins IN the table, internet available and REALLY nice comfortable chairs. Makes my dining room table look like a….dining room table.  Hrmph….imagine that.

I was on my laptop, and the little scrolling arrow was just scrolling all over the place and it landed on “Photo Booth”…..I don’t recall ever clicking Photo Booth so of course, I did today.

I was instantly looking at a picture of myself.  Scared the crap outta me.  I looked behind me to make sure no one was hovering over my shoulder, looking at me watching myself, cause THAT would have just been really, REALLY weird.  The good news is that since it’s Summer, there wasn’t ANYONE in the student center but ME.

Heeeeyyyy…ALONE time!

So I snapped a few pics of myself doing stupid things, (don’t even go there, they are already deleted!) and then I noticed a little movie projector icon.

Hmmm, a MOVIE?

Yep, a movie.

So, after only 18 tries, I had 23 seconds of what I considered a passing video of me trying to say hello.  You should have seen the first 17….geez.  You’d think I just discovered how to speak and complete sentences.

Here’s my 23 seconds of fame….I figured I needed to take it slow and easy and go in short bursts.  Maybe next time I’ll get up to 30 seconds, but no promises.

<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/99273477″>1st Video 6/26/14</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/user29538823″>Sasha 50</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>

And as soon as I figure out how to post this on here without all those hieroglyphics, I will….but it’s not on my hot list of things to do ;)

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Thanks for hanging out with me and reading (AND WATCHING!!!) what I toss out about my life….I’d love for you to share it, too ~ you know your mama always told you to share :)

Why yes, I would love a quick nap!

I dropped Tater off at her room for “Math through Art” Camp yesterday…it’s on a college campus and she was pretty excited to be going to college.  Hey, whatever works to get her to Math Camp…

As I was leaving the room I glanced at the room next door.

Well, Look what I found!

Well, Look what I found!

 

The CNA lab…..Hmmm, this could be interesting….  So I peeked in ~ luckily no one was in there ~ and guess what I found….

 

Think he's a bed hog?

Think he’s a bed hog?

 

(You know where this is going, right???)

Yep, I found a place to nap while Tater is in class.  I probably should check to make sure they aren’t just off for the day, come in and find me in one of their beds, sorta like a silver-haired Goldilocks (would that be Silverlocks???).

Maybe I’ll take the bed farthest from the door and bring my own pillow…I bet those plastic guys don’t know a good pillow from a rock.  I do hate a bed hog, so I’ll just have to remove the guy from MY bed and stash him someplace.

Think he’ll sit up in a chair?

Oh, and I’ll need a wake-up call for about 4:15, k?

;)

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Thanks for reading what I write and hanging out with me…..I sure do appreciate it.  I love to read your comments and promise to reply, so thanks for letting me know if you love what you’ve read, too.  And hey, sharing my posts works for me, too!  Cheers :D

It’s True…Dryers DO eat socks and I Have Proof!

Tater is a sock girl.  She can pick out an outfit without much thought at all, put something on and hardly know what it is.

But socks.  Oh my sweet baby Jesus, socks are the end all.  If we’re late, it’s because the SOCKS didn’t match.  Or were the wrong shade.  Or didn’t FEEL right.  Or didn’t come up just the right place on her leg. Or they had the wrong pattern.

So we have socks.  Lots and Lots and LOTS of socks.  In my quest to find the PERFECT pair of socks so she can pick and go, I’ve bought ankle socks, knee socks, brown, blue, pink, orange, white, yellow, green and striped socks. And every sock in between.

So yesterday, before Tater got home, when I dropped a pair of her socks behind the dryer, I panicked.  See, these were THE brand new pair of Pink, Monday-written-on-the-bottom socks that I KNEW Tater would want to wear today.  She had worn them twice and even wanted to wear them when they were dirty, so I knew THESE were the ONES.

lostandfound

I casually strolled into the dining room, where Mac was working.  I was trying to be cool, calm, and not overwrought with thoughts of “WHERE did I buy those???”.  I just needed to ask a little, teensy tiny question and I thought it best to not appear like a crazy woman.

“Honey, I dropped a pair of Tater’s socks behind the dryer.  Do you think we could get them out?”

Doncha like how I used “We”….

He said we could probably take out a wall to get them out.  Yes, he was kidding, but I wasn’t laughing.

And then like a very good MacDaddy, he grabbed his miner’s light thingy that attaches to his head like a head band (Oh, how I wish I had a picture of that…) and headed to the dryer.

Where he climbed on the dryer, poked his head into the crevice of hot death and said,

“Damn, there’s a lot of stuff back here.  Hand me a coat hanger.”

I dutifully unwound the coat hanger so he could use it as a hook (cause why would we go get real tools…that would take WAY too much time).  And he proceeded to recover all the STUFF that was back there:

  • 1 roll of lint covered, slightly squished of toilet paper
  • TWO pair of socks (yep, Tater’s were rescued)
  • another coat hanger
  • a can of air freshener
  • a can of stain remover
  • a new tube of deodorant
  • a pair of my jeans

Holy Smack down, a Pair of Jeans??? I have been looking for those jeans FOREVER.  And you know, there just aren’t that many places you can lose jeans….I mean I don’t exactly take them off just anywhere, and I just couldn’t find them.

Mystery Solved….and now we know that Dryers Truly do eat Socks, but they also hide LOTS of STUFF between the dryer and the wall.

Perhaps the best part of the entire episode, though, was this epic picture of Mac in action….

Mac the Sock Rescuer

Mac the Sock Rescuer

And let’s just keep this little picture a secret between us, ok? 

*****************************************************************************

Thanks so much for hanging out and reading what I write ~ I hope you laugh, smile, snort, shoot tea out of your nose or at least giggle.  And I’d love it if you loved it enough to share it…you know, mama always did say you should share :) 

 

Fresh Strawberries? Nope, not even close!

You know, I like to pretend I can cook.  Ok, I can make a box of brownies like nobody’s business.  And sometimes I can melt chocolate, make a good dip.

I just not a ‘natural cook’.  Mac can come home, open the ‘frig and pantry and have a meal on the table in 45 minutes with whatever he finds.  I have to plan on the recipe, triple check I have all the ingredients, go to the store to buy what I don’t have, then spend an hour reading over the recipe to make sure I understand what I’m supposed to do and that I REALLY have everything, then another hour trying to make the recipe.

Sometimes Often, it just doesn’t work out like I hoped….

But I dutifully subscribe to multiple recipe blogs and pages, drooling over the pictures and thinking….”Hey, I can make that!”.

Remember I said I could melt chocolate?  Well, that little skill clicked open in my brain when I saw this picture and said, “Hey…YOU can do this!”.  Lying little bastard….

Strawberries-and-Cream-White-Chocolate-Bark-from-ChocolateChocolateandmore-60aIt’s summer, I thinking I could get some strawberries, I already know how to melt chocolate and BOOM, I could have this little ditty made up in NO time.

Except it called for Freeze Dried Strawberries.  Wait…What?  I didn’t even know that existed!

But NOW I was determined to make this SUPER EASY, QUICK AND DELICIOUS dessert.  So I bought Freeze Dried Strawberries. And lemme tell ya….it obviously cost A LOT of money to freeze dry something….

So, all my stuff is out and ready to go, and I even have Parchment Paper…I am GOOD.  I open a bag of those freeze-dried strawberries, and pop one in my mouth, thinking this is gonna be SO cool…we could potentially  have strawberries any time of the year and this would make a great……whoa!

What is that TASTE!  It tastes like Dust with a little bit of strawberry seed thrown in.  WOW.

Well, no matter…I’m SURE it’ll taste better in the chocolate, because chocolate makes EVERYTHING better, right?

Wrong….

I put a layer of freeze-dried dusty strawberries in the pan, poured my melted chocolate on top and waited.

IMG_2024

Mine didn’t come out exactly like the picture…..and they tasted like chocolate covered dusty strawberries.  I was so disappointed that I tried to pry all the dusty strawberries out of the goodness that is while chocolate and eat the shavings.  That didn’t even work.

IMG_2028

In the end, I committed the ultimate sin and threw all that goodness away…it hurts to think about it.

I think I’ll go get an oreo to ease my pain….

*************************************************************************

Thanks so much for reading what I write.  It’s even funnier if you share it with your friends….and you’re drinking when you read it.  Just a thought….and I promise to answer all your comments, so lemme know what you think.  Well, only if it’s good, cause I don’t need any negativity in my world…remember, I just threw away A LOT of chocolate goodness :) .

 

 

 

 

 

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